I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
