Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I am naked and annoyed.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
