took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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