Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
