i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
