he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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