i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize