she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
