I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
