after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
