I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
