When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
