glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
