Me too!
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think a kid would responsible me up
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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