you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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