so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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