you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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