im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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