I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
