Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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