i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
