You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
