Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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