..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
