so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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