I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize