Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
