Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
