Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
then he tried to convert me to islam
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
