david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
