have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
