so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
