Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
