i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
