hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
