I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Randomize
