if you like me you must not know who I am
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
