i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
