she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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