the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
