You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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