i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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