Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
