You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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