he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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