he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
