i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
