I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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