Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You're so nebulous sometimes
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
