do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
