What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
