sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
