He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
