I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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