I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
