it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
