How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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