Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
