so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
