turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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