Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize