I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
