Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
