what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
