I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize