The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
