i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
