haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
