I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
