Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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