just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
