she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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