awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
