i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
