My first STD was from a foam party
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
